All loved up, mwahaha! * throws love at people!*

Bwahaha! i love the taggems!


( ) crashed a friend's car

( ) stolen a car

( x) been in love

( ) been dumped

( ) shoplifted

( ) been fired

( x) been in a fist fight

( x) snuck out of your parent's house

(x) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back

( ) been arrested

( ) gone on a blind date

(X) lied to a friend

(x) skipped school

( ) seen someone die

(x) had a crush on one of your internet friends

( ) been to Canada

( ) been to Mexico

(x) been on a plane

( x) purposely set a part of yourself on fire

(x) eaten Sushi

( ) been skiing

(x) met someone in person from the internet

( x) taken painkillers

(x) miss someone right now

(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by

(x) made a snow angel

(x) had a tea party

(x) flown a kite

(x) built a sand castle

(x) gone puddle jumping

(x) played dress up

(x) jumped into a pile of leaves

(x) gone sledding

(x) cheated while playing a game *cough monopoly!*

(x) been lonely

(x) fallen asleep at work/school

( x) used a fake id

(x) watched the sunset

( ) felt an earthquake

(x) touched a snake

(x) slept under the stars

(x) been tickled

( ) been robbed

(x) been misunderstood

(x) petted a reindeer/goat

(x) won a contest

( ) run a red light

( ) been suspended from school

(x) been in a car only once as a birthday treat

( x) had braces *the shame!

( x) felt like an outcast

(x ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night

(x) had deja-vu

(x) danced in the moonlight

() like the way you look *im not that gross*

(x ) Witnessed a crime

(x) questioned your heart

( ) been obsessed with post-it

(x) squished barefoot through the mud

(x) been lost new years london! 2000, crappest millenium ever

( ) been to the opposite side of the country

(x) swam in the ocean

(x) felt like dying

(X) cried yourself to sleep *many times*

(x) played cops and robbers

(x ) recently colored with crayons

(x ) sung karaoke *my rendition of celine dion is immortal*

( x) paid for a meal with only coins *snigger, payed £30 in 20p coins today *

(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't

( x) made prank phone calls *hello erotic modlling balloons, for all your blowing needs*

(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose *the stings!*

(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue

(x) danced in the rain

(x) written a letter to Santa Claus *and he wrote back!*

(X ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about

(x) blown bubbles

() made a bonfire on the beach

( ) crashed a party

(x) gone roller-skating

(x ) had a wish come true

( ) worn pearls

(x ) jumped off a bridge *every year baby! may day!*

(x) ate dog/cat food *i was curious*

(x ) told a complete stranger you loved them

( ) kissed a mirror

( x) sang in the shower *R.E.S.P.E.C.T!*

( x) had a dream that you married someone

( x) glued your hand to something/got your tongue stuck to a flagpole * hand to face, is not a good idea, especilly with industrial glue *

(x) kissed a fish *it was dead, i think*

(x) sat on a roof top

(x) screamed at the top of your lungs

( ) done a one-handed cartwheel *im cartwheelly retarded

( x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours *damn tlking clock!*

(x) stayed up all night *insomniac comes to mind *

(x ) didn't take a shower for a week

( x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree

(x) climbed a tree *to save a kitty!*

(x ) had a tree house *i had a makebelieve one that counts doesnt it?*

( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone

(x) believe in ghosts

( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes

( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others would say

( ) gone doorbell ditching

( x) played chicken---you're in a car and you go really fast at an on coming car and then at last moment you veer off to the edge and watch them swerve *i am the human pidgeon!*

( x) pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on

( x) told you're hot by a complete stranger *he was blind*

(x) broken a bone

( x) caught a fish then ate it

(x) caught a butterfly

(x) laughed so hard you cried

( x) cried so hard you laughed

(x) cheated on a test

( x) have a Brittany Spears CD *i was younge and niave!*

(x) forgotten someone’s name

( x) French braided someone’s hair *they cried*

(x ) been threatened to be kicked out of your house

( x) been kicked out your house

(x) eaten paper *ok does anyone else do this constantly?*

( x) had a long distance relationship

( ) snorted pepper up your nose for no apparent reason

(x) cross dressed (umm.. sorta?)

(x) want your friends to put this in their journal *bwahah! melleh commands you!*

20 things about meee that you never would have known if you had'nt read this...

1)Im extremely self concious about my teeth, and once treid knocking them all out when i was 8.
2) I misplace most emotions with humor.
3)The song minority, makes me feel incredibly happy to have such beautiful friends.
4) I am currently flea bitten like mad!!
5) Singing makes me feel happy, even when its sung truely badly.
6) I hate my arms
7) I once knocked myself unconcious, because i was so angry at myself.
8) My desire is to be able to say something and have people understand me.
9) I like my man voice.
10) When i was little my safety place was on top of my wardrobe.
11) I love going for walks alone in the park in the late hours. i love the tranquility and sense of comfortable aloneness in the dark.
12)Im afraid of people leaving me.
13) I constantly dream of my death, and awake truely happy after.
14)I miss being in love
15) I have a fear if mirrors.
16) I dont care im not pretty, becasue im surronded by beautfiul friends.
17) I binge eat.
18) I imagine different scenarious about just about everything, and become how paranoid.
19) Im afriad of how people percieve me, so i act like i dont take myself seriously so they wont either.
20) I write poetry, that no-ones aloud to see, ever.

Ok ive done my share, damn tagging damn you all! and LIzems knowing id read hers. *shakes fist*

Life ish shtrange.

This is a mirrored entry which ive added to as when i was typing it this morning i wasnt thinking straight.


Isnt it funny how one day can be so contrasting? THe morning and afternoon, was great, but the evening was just one bombshell after another! I admit alot of those bombs were my own, but still.

okay im gonna use this journal to let it alll out, so please dont feel like you have to read on, im sure youve better things to think about then my little insignificant life!

So the day started well, had a great time round shaz's with liz karl steph and laura, watchign movies and eating pizza, cant forget the pizza.
Got some news, shocked but glad i was told. Got home, had some great news, ex-bf, Ben said he was coming down to see me. Im estatically happy, as i havent seen him for ages!! He was once my best friend and ever since our realationship ended on neutral terms due to geological resons, we've been just as close.

However, as i start to think about it, (when i have chance to) i realise that Ben coming down is not the best thing to happen, we both hold something for each other, and it'll just be hard having to say goodbye again. But its not just that, I know that if he comes down, ill not want him to go, id want to have another go of, but that could only end in two ways, both bad, 1. loosing the friendship and 2. We attempting a long distance relationship, whih wont work and means we can neither move on.

He then starts ringing, saying he'll be wanting to stay for a while and wants to find a place down here, which would never happen! Its cruel to even suggest. This is bad, theres certain aspects why he cant saty down here, which i wont put as he'll be hurt.

So i decied to give it a while to settle down, and decied to go on Msn. Several bombshells later i wont go into, im tlking to a good mate, who in someways helps me realise ive got to confront Ben. So i ring him up, tell him not to come down. he starts trying to apologise, when i explain its nothing he's done, he then accuses me of finding someone else, though when i try to point out where not seeing each other, and tell him so what if i have, he doesnt even reply!
It would have been better if he'd yelled at me! ok so at this point im feeling like utter crud, n lower then crud, the lint you find on crud. so several mins later i decied to call him, to explain, i dont want him down, as id rather remain good buds, then try and strech something i dont feel is going to work. however when i do ring him, he's trying to apologise again, sayig how its all his fault and he'll try better (guiltomania here!) so try to explain, he wont shut up, so i snapped, i know i shouldnt have but i did, i literally screamed at him, i hate him and never want to see him again. ever.
i put the phone down on him. ok im shaking now, ive just hurt and emotionally unstable friend, who i love. im such a fuucking moron im afraid he'll do something stupid, he's done it b4. Thankfully, with some guidance, and whilst giving some, im told to ring and admit all. which i do. i manage to calm him, down, and telll him ill ring him in the morning.

another bombshell. so im calmed a bit know, worreid like shit, but better, so i decied to take the dogs over the park, its abotu 2am then. and guess what my dog runs off! brillaint! so there i am, 2am in a park alone looking for a dog, worried abotu ben, worried about getting home as the poeple im ment to be looking after are homealone, on the verge of tears and in dire need of a hug! all the while im thinking of how happy i was this morning. why does everything come crashing down at once!

Next morning; ive managed to sort thigns out with Ben, he's still trying to come down, if he does i wont answer the door to him, id rather not hurt him again! god i feel like the biggest bitch in the world!!!!! hail me the mightisest stinkiet piece of crap alive!

ok rant over now im sorry guys! somethings have been biulding up, i need to practise this self expression stuff more! Im just fucking sick of pretending to be happy all the time.
oh big thankyou to dude who helped me last night. you were a huge help, and i hope things are a better for you.
melly xx the lint crud piece of shit

*note* Ben if you read this, which you probably will, im sorry, i hope that you can understand, this is by no fault of your own.